Bloom by Briar Lane

Author:Briar Lane [Lane, Briar]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-03-16T00:00:00+00:00

11

Catherine

I was more doubtful of going out tonight than I led on to Ellie. I was just trying to match her enthusiasm. She really wanted me to do things for me and I was attempting to do that for her.

But a part of me did think it was maybe too soon. And a part of me didn’t really want to try and date anyone.

I had my reasons for bringing it up though, for trying to force myself to pursue men…

Because lately, I wanted a woman.

Ugh, I had wanted so badly not to have to deal with another issue in my life. I was starting to think I should have gone with a hotel instead of staying here at Ellie’s. I don’t know if this is really the best option for me right now.

Every day that I spent with her was another day I felt closer to her. When I decided to stay here, I told myself I could handle it. I told myself my feelings on that first night together were a total fluke because of the trauma of my situation. I didn’t want to think there was more to it.

But now that I was here every day and the trauma was slowly wearing off, I was forced to confront the fact that it wasn’t a fluke.

When she held me tight and rubbed her fingers through my hair as I cried, I got shivers down my spine. When we laughed over eating dinner and I caught a glimpse into her hazel eyes, I had to smile.

She was wonderful. Kind, funny, gorgeous, the kind of person that was honestly too good for this world. Everything about her was too good. Everything about her I loved.

And this was my everyday now. I hadn’t even been thinking about John much lately and how things went to hell with him… I was too busy thinking about my newfound feelings for Ellie.

That should be a good thing. A week ago, I would have thought that was a good thing. But really, I think it’s harder to question my sexuality than it is to deal with a failed engagement.

I don’t know, I’ve never been homophobic or anything. I honestly didn’t care if people were gay so theoretically, you’d think I wouldn’t care if I liked a woman myself.

But it shattered everything I ever thought about myself. Everything I thought I was is suddenly different. It’s like having feelings for Ellie flipped my world upside down and, let’s be honest, my world had already been flipped upside down a lot lately.

I just didn’t want to deal with it, not right now. Not with so much other bullshit going on. And I still wasn’t convinced that these weird feelings weren’t just a result of intense loneliness.

It is hard to go from being in a relationship most of your adult life to completely on your own. That’s bound to confuse anyone… right?

I finished getting ready and when I got downstairs, Ellie was already dressed in this green strapless dress and adorable ballet flats.

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